2nd Anniversary of Mom’s passing

Today in 2015 at 11:47 pm, Anna Bernice Nutt took her last breath on this earth.

It has been two years since that time and I still am heartbroken over it. I cry less now than I did back then but it still aches as much.

The little things we miss about a person, their smile, their eyes or in my moms case, her hands. Mom always had strong hands. Strong and elegant. Mom was not a big women by any stretch of the imagination, 5’4″ on a good day and when she passed was 5’3″ and about 120 .lbs soaking wet. Her strong hands came from typing for many years. Mom went into the Army as soon as she was old enough and became a clerical typist. Later on in life she would work for Multnomah County in the courthouse in downtown Portland Oregon. Years of typing gave her strong hands. Her fingers were long and thin and each was topped by a perfectly manicured fingernail. That is one of the things I remember about my mom – her hands. I of course miss our talks and her constant praise of everything I did, literally everything. She could kill with kindness.

I think the thing I miss most about her is her niceness. She was the nicest person I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. I am not just blowing smoke up your skirt, she was absolutely the nicest person. If you were to ask anyone who met her, they would say the same thing. I miss it because I struggle with my own niceness. If she were still here, I might be able to take away a little of that with me and I miss that.

To wrap up, here is the poem I wrote and presenter at her service. A spoken word version of it is on SoundCloud here if you feel inclined to hear me orate it.

With my mom, who was my only guiding light, I can share no more fears
From a disease that was her companion she did succumb after many years
Like the rocks against the crashing waves
She remained stalwart each and every day

Finally she has left this earthly place
To dawn a suit of heavenly grace
No longer tethered to her old and frail form
She watches over us as we all begin to morn

I am convinced that her energy is still around
Though her feet no longer touch the ground
The tears they come of fond memories long past
And thinking that no new ones with her makes me gasp

How we say our goodbyes are up to each one of us
If you were to ask her she would say not to make such a fuss
It’s hard not to cry when I want to talk to her and can’t
She didn’t even get to see me and my wife ballroom dance

The memory of her face I know will fade in time
But the goodness inside her will always shine
When I look upon the faces of my sisters and brother
I know that they carry with them the best of my mother

I didn’t appreciate the life lessons bestowed until she was gone
But I recognize them now and know I should thank her a ton
The strength of her character even in the toughest of times
I see more clearly now though can’t do it justice in my rhymes

Her honesty and quick smile and always having a kind word
May seem disingenuous coming from others but not ever her
Her excitement when from the coast I would bring salt water taffy
Or the long ago stories she told where we both ended up laughing

Her belief in me was unwavering even at my craziest dreams
To open up a game store was within reach to her it all seemed
Her empathy for my injuries always caused her concern
As any good parent would feel when body parts I would burn

As a new chapter in my life unfolds without her country wisdom
I try to fashion myself a little time to reflect on how to overcome
The obstacles I face each and every day as she once did
And hope that some of her strength inside me is hid

She supported my writing and loved reading my blog
Even though at times it must have been a terrible slog
She commented on my poems whenever she would take a look
And loved the idea of me compiling them into a book

For once and all my mother has shed her mortal coil
To no longer walk upon this earthly soil
Doesn’t mean that she will be missed any less
As the years go by I am sure I will have regrets

Of the things I wanted but couldn’t share
Not that it matters because she always cared
She was proud of my achievements regardless how small
And made me feel like I was 1000 feet tall

The reading of this poem gave me cause to rehearse
For the last words I heard my mom say are its very last verse
They are simple and from a mother to her son
Those words she spoke to me were “Go have fun”

Love you Mom – now and always.

Anna Bernice Nutt – May 25, 1940 – May 17th 11:47 pm, 2015

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